Missed Connection

There's nothing that gets me more turned-on that a winter runner. I noted one just this morning, sporting his Adidas athletic pants and sensible neck gaiter. He was stretching his hamstrings against a tree, his muscles taut.

I gave him the eye once.

I gave him the eye twice.

I walked past, strutting a bit, and turned--casually--to give him the eye a third time.

Of course, nothing. Perhaps my not-so-sensible hoodie caused him to take pause. Or perhaps the fact that I was staring him down at 7 in the morning. Or maybe he was just focused on giving those sexy hamstrings a nice, long stretch...

I like to think that there is a parallel universe out there, somewhere, where Winter Runner and I are busy makin' babies...and pork chops.

"Cagney and Lacey" has been canceled

Numbers were exchanged
His attraction was alleged
Even hugs were shared

Alejandro drives
Genius mix of pop music
Bumps on the speakers

Like the apostles
Three days Alejandro waits
Rules and Resurrections

Lo, the call is made
Lo, now he must play it cool
Lo is Lauren's friend

Return call never comes
The message falls on deaf ears
Too meh to notice

And the prior girl
Was already forgotten
He's back to square one

The synchro swimmer
Cuter than any button
Returns, well sort of

Irons in the fire
They are fewer, but still hot
This dater abides

Do you like apples?

No, I haven't been holding out on you dear readers, I've just been crazy busy. But not too busy to go on a date!

I went out last Thursday with Lacey. We went to a bar I am fond of and had drinks. It was good, but not quite great. A couple things of note:

(1) I did find myself wanting to impress her, which is a great sign during a date

(2) She didn't necessarily find me as hilarious as I find me (which is ridiculous - I'm hilarious), but I was struck by some of the things she did find funny. For instance, I told me the amazing story about when I sang the National Anthem at a high school volleyball game, and the part of the story she most strongly responded to was when I began the story by saying "In high school, I was the announcer for our volleyball team." (Seriously, it's an awesome story)

(3) She refuses to watch 30 Rock because she hates Alec Baldwin. I don't know how I feel about this. I agree that Baldwin is probably a terrible human being, but he's just so damned funny.

The date ended, as I had to head to tutoring, but I did ask if I could call her, and she gave me her number (and it's her real number, which is great). We then hugged, and I gave her a smooch on the cheek. CHEEKED! BAM!

In the days since, I did call her last night and left a message. I hope she calls back. I wasn't, at the end of the date, super crazy about her, but I think it's possible that something will develop there over a couple dates. Some relationships are like pan-seared scallops: they don't take long to achieve awesomeness. Others, however, are like braised pork: they need time and some simmering before they reach their potential. But I love braised pork as much as (if not more than) I love pan-seared scallops, and so I'm happy to put in some time to see if this works.

First date: Cagney

Sunday night, Alejandro had a date with Cagney – and on the whole, I would say it went well. We met up for drinks at a bar in her neighborhood. It wasn’t too busy, it being a Sunday night, so we had an attentive waitress and almost an entire section to ourselves. After some good conversation, featuring only a few awkward pauses, I walked her back to her apartment and said the standard “I had a great time, I’d like to see you again” blah blah blah. Being the cad that I am, I of course went in for the smooch – but I got cheeked. CHEEKED! BAM! Well played, Cagney.

All told, we spent about two hours together, and on the whole I had a good time. However, Alejandro was not feeling any serious chemistry. She’s nice, she’s intelligent, she’s witty, and these are all important factors. Indeed, further items in the “pro” column include our shared love of Britney Spears and The Hills. Yet there are serious negatives as well, mainly that she’s not on the Christian/Catholic spectrum (which is important for Alejandro) and she’s a vegetarian. And anyone who has heard Alejandro extol the sublimity of bacon or the joys and travails of making pulled pork at home knows that vegetarianism, though not a deal-breaker, is at least a red flag.

I did, in the end, make it home in time for Mad Men, if barely. Did I cut the date a little short to make it home in town? Possibly. Not because it was crashing and burning, mind you, but because first dates are tricky. Chemistry isn’t always obvious on a first date – sometimes it is only there as a kernel. And in that situation, if the two spend too much time together, then it can erase some of the mystery and excitement of what might happen in a second date. Some relationships might be on fire from the get go, but others need to be stoked and encouraged a little more slowly. And a little more than an hour and a half in, I knew that this risk was real.

So then the question remains: will I in fact see Cagney again? I don’t know. I clearly indicated I would be interested in doing so while simultaneously mentioning that my schedule for the next two weeks would be crazy busy. And indeed, she seemed receptive to the idea of seeing me again, despite the blatant cheeking. So it’s a possibility.

But then again, this Thursday, I have a date with Lacey. That date is at one of Alejandro’s most favorite bars, which means there will be some major mojo in play. And moreover, I was definitely a little more interested in Lacey than in Cagney during our “intimate messaging” phases, so I am sanguine about the possibilities.

So cut to the chase kid

An urgent update
Alejandro has great news
Date tomorrow night

Yep, Cagney and I are going to a bar tomorrow night at 7:30. This has required some light shuffling of Alejandro's already busy plans for Sunday. Also, it unfortunately provides an incentive for the date to go sour - Mad Men is on at 10. Then again, they show an encore presentation at 11, so the date wouldn't need to bomb quickly.

The State of the Alejandro

Yes blog friends, I have been away. You might think it was because I was in Denver, celebrating the birthday of a dear friend (and esteemed reader of this blog). You might think it was because I'm still reeling from the bizarre, Eyes Wide Shut experience of meeting Midget Fonda. You might even think it had to do with the 7000+ students that I tutor (all of whom are taking the October SAT), or because I'm allegedly writing a dissertation/book/novel/collection of haikus. Or maybe it's because my Monopoly dream came true and I won second prize in a beauty contest - and collected ten dollars.

Well friends, in fact some of these things are true. I have been busy with what the ancient Greeks called "life." But, out of concern for your ability to waste time reading blogs while getting paid by "The Man," I have also been putting in intense labor to find NEW dates for Alejandro. Yes, I have been flogging OkCupid (which significantly raised my "kinkier/less kinky" rating) for new ladies with whom to have awkward/awesome dates.

And what has this flogging created, besides a touch of tennis elbow? Two leads. Yes, two. But I am sanguine about both of them, as one seems to share my goofy, lackadaisical attitude towards what the ancient Greeks called "life," and the other shares my taste in crappy television. Since I haven't met them yet, I don't have obvious nicknames for them...but since there are two, let's call the first one Cagney and the second one Lacey.

Cagney and I are already into the "let's go on a date" phase of online conversation, and it's just a matter of picking a neighborhood, a bar, and a time. The risk with her is I haven't actually seen a picture yet. I know, it means there's a reasonable possibility of murder or whatever, but I really liked her profile. And if she's not cute, she's probably still more attractive than the Penguin.

Lacey I have seen pictures of, and she's a cutie. In my most recent message with her, I dropped the "let's go out for drinks or dinner" bomb. Let's hope it explodes in a positive way.

So that's the state of the Alejandro, at least in its broad outlines. There are a few other feelers out there, plus some lingering things from the past, but at the moment all eyes are focused on Cagney and Lacey. Tyne Daly would be pleased.

Epic Okcupid Fail

You find a nice-looking guy on okcupid. You write and rewrite a coy message, give a compliment, and--in short--open the lines of communication. Although you can never "really" know what a guy is like from a silly on-line dating profile, you decide this guy has potential. You hit send.

Immediately, you note a little check next to his profile name. What does this check mean? You place your cursor over the check and it tells you that you have contacted this particular gent about a week ago, probably whilst drunk.

Epic fail.