the penguin

So the first date from okcupid was last night. You might think, based on my blogging late Saturday morning that it went well. Perhaps we went out for drinks, maybe dessert, took a long stroll through scenic Boston, and then happened upon my apartment, or perhaps even hers. Maybe one of us invited the other inside for a nightcap, and with all our roommates conveniently out of the apartment, we sat on the couch, talked, and slowly inched closer to one another. Perhaps our animal instincts overwhelmed us, and we made out furiously, moved to the bedroom, and did that thing adults sometimes do.

You might think that. It makes sense. This blog is about being In Search of Awesome, and the above scenario does indeed sound awesome.

What actually happened, however, diverges from the scenario above precisely after the "we went out for drinks" part. We did in fact get drinks at a bar that was mutually convenient to both of us and had a fine beer selection. Thankfully, her posted photos online were accurate enough that I was able to pick her out of the crowd waiting outside, yet they were still very complimentary photos. She was not attractive. Obviously, this is a risk with online dating, indeed dating in general, but it need not be the marker of an unpleasant night. I have had plenty of fun with unattractive people in my life, and I hoped this would be an exception.

Sidebar: have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? With Jack Black? I don't ask because it's a good movie and I think you should watch it - both those claims are false. But the premise is that Jack Black's character, the titular Hal, is cursed (blessed?) by Tony Robbins to see people as who they are inside, not what they look like outside. He ends up dating an enormous woman who is a fantastic human being because he's not blinded by his titular shallowness.

The girl from last night, had she been in that movie, would have looked exactly the same regardless of the curse. She was a cold fish, negative, in no way funny, judgmental, and all around unpleasant. By the time I had received my beer from the always courteous waitstaff, I wanted to leave. Sadly, I had a full hour left to go. She had a tongue ring, which 24 year old me would have giggled over, but 29 year old me has (largely) moved past.

Sidebar 2: Have you ever seen Batman Returns? It was the second Tim Burton Batman film, which I think underrated. For villains, it features Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Danny DeVito as the Penguin. Last night's girl was basically the lovechild of the Penguin, both body and soul.

The only real solace from last night was the afterparty, with friends (including dearest Lola), and the satisfaction that her night went better.