"Cagney and Lacey" has been canceled

Numbers were exchanged
His attraction was alleged
Even hugs were shared

Alejandro drives
Genius mix of pop music
Bumps on the speakers

Like the apostles
Three days Alejandro waits
Rules and Resurrections

Lo, the call is made
Lo, now he must play it cool
Lo is Lauren's friend

Return call never comes
The message falls on deaf ears
Too meh to notice

And the prior girl
Was already forgotten
He's back to square one

The synchro swimmer
Cuter than any button
Returns, well sort of

Irons in the fire
They are fewer, but still hot
This dater abides

Epic Okcupid Fail

You find a nice-looking guy on okcupid. You write and rewrite a coy message, give a compliment, and--in short--open the lines of communication. Although you can never "really" know what a guy is like from a silly on-line dating profile, you decide this guy has potential. You hit send.

Immediately, you note a little check next to his profile name. What does this check mean? You place your cursor over the check and it tells you that you have contacted this particular gent about a week ago, probably whilst drunk.

Epic fail.

Dear Alejandro

Three dates and I'm out.

Seriously. I leave town for a little bit, I come back, I move into a new domicile. We make plans for her to come over the evening after I move in and help me unpack. Seems like a great opportunity to (a) hang out, (b) demonstrate my openness to her by letting her rifle through my decades of collected crap, and (c) possibly smooch. She says she'll play it by ear, but generally she's looking forward to seeing me.

I hear nothing from her all day. I'm frustrated, but I also had bowel problems that day, so I thought maybe it's for the best. The next morning I email her, with the catchy subject title "What the hell?" I try to go back to sleep.

An hour or so later, she replies, admits to being a jerk, and then says "I'm not certain I can make this work." She says she "really really enjoys hanging out with me, but she has apparently just gotten out of a serious relationship and wasn't expecting something good to happen. She says again that I'm pretty awesome, that she "despises" herself for writing a cliched email, and then says she hopes the move went well.

Some thoughts:
(1) Maybe you shouldn't be on a dating site if you don't want to date.
(1b) Maybe you shouldn't have contacted me first if you don't want to date.
(2) Apologizing for the contrived and cliched tone of the email doesn't make it any less contrived and cliched.
(3) I am really goddamn awesome, and don't want to waste my time on girls who don't recognize that - or worse, girls who do recognize that and still decide that they don't have time for me.

So she's clearly out of the picture. It's interesting, I had forgotten what impotent rage felt like - that desire, that need, to just scream at someone and make them realize what a moron they're being - but now I remember.

As per Lola's and my rules, since this relationship had been going well, I wasn't really writing about it, and certainly hadn't nicknamed her. But now I have. Say goodnight, Houdini: you disappeared on me a couple times when things were good; now I hope you disappear entirely.

the waiting is the hardest part

It's tough. I'm out of town, away from my potential lady friend. I last saw her about a week ago, and have had some limited contact since then. It frustrates me to be away, as I skipped town only two weeks into our "relationship." This should be prime smooching, cuddling, quality time. Clearly, my timing is atrocious.

A few texts have been exchanged, but it's been pretty limited. I really want to talk to her, but the near universal advice I keep getting is "play it cool."

Well, playing it cool sucks. It sucks. I know if I overdo it, I'll blow the whole thing, blah blah blah. I just sit here, in an incredibly comfortable chair, periodically checking my phone to see if I've received a message, or looking at the photo I took of her with my phone. I fawn over it. It's true. I feel like such a pansy.

a little help from friends

Dear readers, as you know, I have been struggling with the lady situation. I have refused to give the current lady a nickname, as I actually like her and don't wish to compare her to some sort of Batman villain (as has happened in the past with The Penguin, and before her, Catwoman).

So I've talked to nearly every friend I have about the situation, and they've given me a range of advice. I even went to friend and dating columnist Kat Cox, whom I have long recommended as someone of insight. She even took my situation as the occasion for a column.

Truth is, there was some part of me that was thinking along these lines already. Not that I wanted to, but it was the case. In my brain, this girl was either (a) super busy, (b) no longer interested, or (c) dead. None of those were good options.

So on the advice of my trivia team executive officer, I texted the lady yesterday morning, letting her know I was skipping town for a bit, and seeing if she was free for dindin. Turns out, she was busy, although the reasons for that remain to be seen. We're going to sushi tonight.

I'm excited, believe me, but I'm also a little more cautious about this. Is she flaky? Will she disappear on me regularly? I like her a lot and want this to work, but I'm a little more skeptical now.

Then again, as soon as I see her I'll probably get giddy as a schoolgirl again.

going insane

Alejandro is struggling here. He's nauseous. He's jumpy. He's easily distracted. He needs help.

See, I went on a date Monday. It was, as per the previous post, awesome. I won't go into details, but we spent hours together, had a great time, seemed very compatible, etc.

So of course, I started thinking about what to do next. I mean, if this person, this non-Penguin-y person, is indeed a possibility, things need to happen. So what would our next date be? Obviously sushi. I love sushi, and allegedly she also likes it. And one of my favorite restaurants in the city is this tiny sushi place that is super delish.

So I tried to do what I, as the man, am supposed to do. The next afternoon, I sent a brief text expressing that I had enjoyed the previous evening and was looking forward to see her again. She texted back with similar sentiments. The next evening, I called, as I had said I would, and had to leave a message. So I intimated that I would like to go out Friday (today, readers. Today). I stayed up like a nervous nelly until all hours of the night, mostly watching The Hills, but no call.

The next morning, I got an early morning text indicating we would talk soon. I texted back expressing happiness regarding this. But I did not hear from her that night. On roommate's advice, I went ahead and called that night. Left a message.

Since then, nothing. It's nearly 5pm on Friday, dear readers. 5PM! How am I to make plans for tonight? It's maddening. Not so much because I think she's not interested - I think she is - but because I want to see her. I want to spend time with her. Blerg.