So, last night I went out with Soul Patch. I didn't inform the readers (or Alejandro) because I was:
a. embarrassed to be going on two dates in a row
b. was feeling rather cursed
We had made plans to hang out on Thursday a couple days ago, but then I had the spontaneous no-good very bad date with Face, so I was planning on cancelling. However, I woke-up feeling refreshed and thought, fuck it, I have to see this guy through.
He took me to Little Italy. We walked around. He bought me a really nice dinner, and oodles of pastries. We sat outside at a picnic table and talked for a long time. I liked his sense of humor. He made me a laugh. A lot. We decided the soul patch is really just a hitler moustache in disguise. We talked about books and hating hipsters. I told him I "write about my dating life" (if he's smart, he'll figure out that I blog), and that I call him Soul Patch. He loved that.
The problem (and boy is it a problem): Soul Patch and I are exact opposites, and not in a good way. He owns businesses. I own cats. He is deathly allergic to cats; therefore, he doesn't like cats. Um, cats are awesome. He is this huge water snob that only drinks bottled water. I ordered tap, and he almost threw up, as I proceeded to drink as much tap water as possible--just to irritate him. He is a youth group leader in his church. I don't believe in god. He voted for McCain. Me: Obama. He drives everywhere. I take the T. He hasn't cooked a meal in three years. I cook almost everyday. He doesn't drink. I drink almost everyday. He doesn't eat chocolate, caffeine, red meat, or anything fun at all. I eat all of the above, and then some. Whenever I pointed out our differences--which I did about every 6.9 minutes--he reminded me of Paula Abdul's hit, "Opposites Attract." He's weird. Very weird. Pretentious (re: water) and possibly a total jerk. It was hard to tell. Weirdest. Date. Ever.
I always take it as a bad sign if the guy doesn't offer to drive me home, so maybe he didn't have as much fun as I did. However, he seemed to like me, so who knows! It will absolutely not go beyond another date or two, but if he asks me out again, I may go.
Whilst on my date with Patchy, Tiger called to make plans. I'm seeing him for dinner and DRINKS next Wed. or Thursday, thus ending the dating bracket. I was hoping to go on dates with all four in a week, just to see if I could do it, but he can't until next week. Three down. One to go...
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
awkward
Alrighty, so I shouldn't be so nervous about these things. It does not help.
Went out with The Face. He's extremely good-looking, but in this kinda wonky way. I saw him and got all excited. But, before you get your hopes up, I'll tell you right now, reader, it is not gonna happen. Here's why...
He was incredibly late (which isn't the end of the world, but coupled with everything else, bothered me). There were lots of awkward silences. Lots. He talked about ex-girlfriends and marriage/weddings a lot, so then I talked about ex-boyfriends and marriage/weddings a lot, leading to more awkwardness. I would talk about funny things (like my parents) and he didn't laugh. He's the musician type, and that's kinda all he wanted to talk about (reminding me of a particularly bad ex of mine). He travels all the time for "gigs," which 23 year old Lola would love, but 27 year old Lola finds annoying. He looked bored, leading me to get more and more nervous and ramble. He ordered food and didn't ask me if I was going to order anything. I talked about weird stuff. He was confident and smelled incredibly good, but didn't ask about my cats.
The date lasted less than Bean's date. The real kicker is that I would have stayed out later, just to see if maybe the awkward nerve stuff subsided, leading to awesomeness. But he def. wasn't interested, and when we parted, he was clearly anxious to get the fuck away from me. I think I was the Bean in the situation. I'm cool with it, because I don't want to see him again. But, regardless, that little bit of rejection isn't good for the self confidence, which has been wavering anyway.
Alejandro was wonderful, coaxing me through from a pre-date phone call and frantic texts from the bathroom. My other best male friend, I shall call him Dr. X, was also a doll via text from Chicago.
On my way home, I decided to give up on the Bracket. It is cursed. But, after a good night's sleep and some Buffy, I decided I do kinda want to give Patchy a try. He's hilarious and once he finally stopped being flaky about contacting me, it has been good. We talked, briefly, on the phone. I learned that he's had the soul-patch since high school. I told him the soul patch makes me nervous, and then quickly ended the conversation.
I've started this bracket, and I'm gonna finish it!
I have a headache today. I think its from all the talk about music...
Went out with The Face. He's extremely good-looking, but in this kinda wonky way. I saw him and got all excited. But, before you get your hopes up, I'll tell you right now, reader, it is not gonna happen. Here's why...
He was incredibly late (which isn't the end of the world, but coupled with everything else, bothered me). There were lots of awkward silences. Lots. He talked about ex-girlfriends and marriage/weddings a lot, so then I talked about ex-boyfriends and marriage/weddings a lot, leading to more awkwardness. I would talk about funny things (like my parents) and he didn't laugh. He's the musician type, and that's kinda all he wanted to talk about (reminding me of a particularly bad ex of mine). He travels all the time for "gigs," which 23 year old Lola would love, but 27 year old Lola finds annoying. He looked bored, leading me to get more and more nervous and ramble. He ordered food and didn't ask me if I was going to order anything. I talked about weird stuff. He was confident and smelled incredibly good, but didn't ask about my cats.
The date lasted less than Bean's date. The real kicker is that I would have stayed out later, just to see if maybe the awkward nerve stuff subsided, leading to awesomeness. But he def. wasn't interested, and when we parted, he was clearly anxious to get the fuck away from me. I think I was the Bean in the situation. I'm cool with it, because I don't want to see him again. But, regardless, that little bit of rejection isn't good for the self confidence, which has been wavering anyway.
Alejandro was wonderful, coaxing me through from a pre-date phone call and frantic texts from the bathroom. My other best male friend, I shall call him Dr. X, was also a doll via text from Chicago.
On my way home, I decided to give up on the Bracket. It is cursed. But, after a good night's sleep and some Buffy, I decided I do kinda want to give Patchy a try. He's hilarious and once he finally stopped being flaky about contacting me, it has been good. We talked, briefly, on the phone. I learned that he's had the soul-patch since high school. I told him the soul patch makes me nervous, and then quickly ended the conversation.
I've started this bracket, and I'm gonna finish it!
I have a headache today. I think its from all the talk about music...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Don't Fuck Up
Dear Dearest Lola,
You have a date with your number one seed tonight. This occurrence happened rather quickly. You got impatient, harassed the poor boy, he said pick a time and place, you said Thursday. He countered with Friday. You said, I have plans with my ladies on Friday, countering back with tonight or Sunday. He said tonight.
So, you've bathed and shaved. Watched some Buffy the Vampire Slayer to take your mind off the impending date (drinks at 9). You watched Xander's eye get fucked up, and that was unsettling, but you've shaken it off. You've thought about The Hills and how Alejandro got weepy today when Whitney left for NYC. You've eaten a carb-heavy meal, tucked away the teddy bear that lives in your bed (jic), and have oiled your hair with Moroccan oil. You're ready. But...
You're nervous as hell. And you don't know why. Perhaps because this date has so much more potential than Bean. Perhaps because the only first date you've been on in a year was with Bean, and well, you know how well that went. Perhaps you're nervous because you've come on really strong. Perhaps because this dude calls you on your shit (already); he's a straight-shooter. Perhaps because you're not really sure what his face looks like. Perhaps because he's skinny, and you've vowed never to date thin men. Perhaps because your hair is still wet, yet you sit here writing. Perhaps because you have offered to pay because he's in grad school and has no money. Perhaps because he's smart. Perhaps because he kindly emailed you the recipe for a perfect steak.
So, remember, Self, don't call him Face Guy to his face. Don't almost call him Face Guy, like the time you almost called Sister Kendra, Sister Satan during 10th grade bio. Don't get too drunk and tell him about the dating blog. You're an open book and while that is something you like about yourself, don't shoot yourself in the foot by announcing to this kid that's he's apart of some larger social dating experiment. Don't ask too many questions. Don't forget you're not fat like you think you are. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, or chickens in the hen house, or however that saying goes. Don't call yourself an alcholic or a whore. Don't talk about your ex-boyfriends, or too much about your cats. And for god's sake, Lola, don't come call him Face Guy.
That's all. Go get 'em Tiger.
Love always,
Lola
You have a date with your number one seed tonight. This occurrence happened rather quickly. You got impatient, harassed the poor boy, he said pick a time and place, you said Thursday. He countered with Friday. You said, I have plans with my ladies on Friday, countering back with tonight or Sunday. He said tonight.
So, you've bathed and shaved. Watched some Buffy the Vampire Slayer to take your mind off the impending date (drinks at 9). You watched Xander's eye get fucked up, and that was unsettling, but you've shaken it off. You've thought about The Hills and how Alejandro got weepy today when Whitney left for NYC. You've eaten a carb-heavy meal, tucked away the teddy bear that lives in your bed (jic), and have oiled your hair with Moroccan oil. You're ready. But...
You're nervous as hell. And you don't know why. Perhaps because this date has so much more potential than Bean. Perhaps because the only first date you've been on in a year was with Bean, and well, you know how well that went. Perhaps you're nervous because you've come on really strong. Perhaps because this dude calls you on your shit (already); he's a straight-shooter. Perhaps because you're not really sure what his face looks like. Perhaps because he's skinny, and you've vowed never to date thin men. Perhaps because your hair is still wet, yet you sit here writing. Perhaps because you have offered to pay because he's in grad school and has no money. Perhaps because he's smart. Perhaps because he kindly emailed you the recipe for a perfect steak.
So, remember, Self, don't call him Face Guy to his face. Don't almost call him Face Guy, like the time you almost called Sister Kendra, Sister Satan during 10th grade bio. Don't get too drunk and tell him about the dating blog. You're an open book and while that is something you like about yourself, don't shoot yourself in the foot by announcing to this kid that's he's apart of some larger social dating experiment. Don't ask too many questions. Don't forget you're not fat like you think you are. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, or chickens in the hen house, or however that saying goes. Don't call yourself an alcholic or a whore. Don't talk about your ex-boyfriends, or too much about your cats. And for god's sake, Lola, don't come call him Face Guy.
That's all. Go get 'em Tiger.
Love always,
Lola
ongoing awesome
Last night I went out for date numero dos with the current lady. As I said before, I was excited but a little cautious, a little wary, about it. We went for sushi, and I arrived early. I sat there, waiting, expectant, my foot tapping faster than hummingbird wings, looking forward to the moment she moved into view in the picture windows.
She arrived, we had delicious sushi, then delicious ice cream. We walked and held hands, we might have smooched a little, and so on. In many ways, it was a lot like our first date.
I had been concerned, after some brief flakiness, that she wasn't actually into me and was trying to send hints. Indeed, the brilliant and reliable Kat Cox assessed that to be the likely situation. But she's definitely into me. I'm definitely into her. I don't feel nervous about it like I did during and after the first date; I feel really confident.
I have to skip town for a couple weeks, which will be a good trip, but the timing is unfortunate. She was definitely sad that I'll be gone, which I take as a good sign. I do think we'll see each other later this week though.
The real issue that comes now is my role in this blog. When Lola and I started, the agreement was if you're five dates in, you could bounce. But the truth is, I see real potential with this girl. You'll notice she doesn't have a nickname on this blog - it's because I don't want to think of her that way. So if I write less and less about this relationship as it develops, be happy. Besides, I will definitely contribute in other ways.
She arrived, we had delicious sushi, then delicious ice cream. We walked and held hands, we might have smooched a little, and so on. In many ways, it was a lot like our first date.
I had been concerned, after some brief flakiness, that she wasn't actually into me and was trying to send hints. Indeed, the brilliant and reliable Kat Cox assessed that to be the likely situation. But she's definitely into me. I'm definitely into her. I don't feel nervous about it like I did during and after the first date; I feel really confident.
I have to skip town for a couple weeks, which will be a good trip, but the timing is unfortunate. She was definitely sad that I'll be gone, which I take as a good sign. I do think we'll see each other later this week though.
The real issue that comes now is my role in this blog. When Lola and I started, the agreement was if you're five dates in, you could bounce. But the truth is, I see real potential with this girl. You'll notice she doesn't have a nickname on this blog - it's because I don't want to think of her that way. So if I write less and less about this relationship as it develops, be happy. Besides, I will definitely contribute in other ways.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
THE RAM
As an Aries, I possess the following oft-negative characteristics of stubbornness, detrimentally strong emotions, impatience, and a wily aggressiveness. As an Aries, I love to be the chaser, not the chased. For the most part, I have been the pursuer of love. I approach. I call. I ask him out on a date. I am very comfortable in this role. This, for the most part, has worked splendidly. And, then, when I am chased by a man it makes for a nice change and I feel pretty. With my last boyfriend, he was very straightforward. I asked him out (clearly). But, when the date went well, he, promptly, called me and asked me out again. That was nice.
As of late, I have been fighting my natural instincts. Be patient, I tell myself. If he doesn't call you right away, that doesn't mean anything. Particularly in the world of on-line dating. Don't be overly aggressive and scare potential awesome dudes away. I've had a strict, "they come to me" attitude in the on-line dating world. I make them do the fucking winking or emailing or high-fiving or whatever. Then, after we chat a bit, I give my number, but wait for him to call. Well, dear readers, The Ram is getting tired of waiting.
In an age of endless communication, how do you communicate? For example, Soul Patch and I have been writing and texting. After my bad phone call with Bean, I am hesitant to call. Soul Patch asked me to hang out (via text) on Sunday. I gave him dates and times. Didn't hear back. So, last night, I texted him again (something coy, but also along the lines of wtf), and haven't heard back. Patchy, I'm not playing that game. I haven't even met the guy, so it is not worth my time to wait around for him to communicate.
I'm getting tired of waiting, guessing. Maybe I'll just have to go back to my natural inclination as an Aries. Be the aggressor. Be the chaser. Hunt.
As of late, I have been fighting my natural instincts. Be patient, I tell myself. If he doesn't call you right away, that doesn't mean anything. Particularly in the world of on-line dating. Don't be overly aggressive and scare potential awesome dudes away. I've had a strict, "they come to me" attitude in the on-line dating world. I make them do the fucking winking or emailing or high-fiving or whatever. Then, after we chat a bit, I give my number, but wait for him to call. Well, dear readers, The Ram is getting tired of waiting.
In an age of endless communication, how do you communicate? For example, Soul Patch and I have been writing and texting. After my bad phone call with Bean, I am hesitant to call. Soul Patch asked me to hang out (via text) on Sunday. I gave him dates and times. Didn't hear back. So, last night, I texted him again (something coy, but also along the lines of wtf), and haven't heard back. Patchy, I'm not playing that game. I haven't even met the guy, so it is not worth my time to wait around for him to communicate.
I'm getting tired of waiting, guessing. Maybe I'll just have to go back to my natural inclination as an Aries. Be the aggressor. Be the chaser. Hunt.
a little help from friends
Dear readers, as you know, I have been struggling with the lady situation. I have refused to give the current lady a nickname, as I actually like her and don't wish to compare her to some sort of Batman villain (as has happened in the past with The Penguin, and before her, Catwoman).
So I've talked to nearly every friend I have about the situation, and they've given me a range of advice. I even went to friend and dating columnist Kat Cox, whom I have long recommended as someone of insight. She even took my situation as the occasion for a column.
Truth is, there was some part of me that was thinking along these lines already. Not that I wanted to, but it was the case. In my brain, this girl was either (a) super busy, (b) no longer interested, or (c) dead. None of those were good options.
So on the advice of my trivia team executive officer, I texted the lady yesterday morning, letting her know I was skipping town for a bit, and seeing if she was free for dindin. Turns out, she was busy, although the reasons for that remain to be seen. We're going to sushi tonight.
I'm excited, believe me, but I'm also a little more cautious about this. Is she flaky? Will she disappear on me regularly? I like her a lot and want this to work, but I'm a little more skeptical now.
Then again, as soon as I see her I'll probably get giddy as a schoolgirl again.
So I've talked to nearly every friend I have about the situation, and they've given me a range of advice. I even went to friend and dating columnist Kat Cox, whom I have long recommended as someone of insight. She even took my situation as the occasion for a column.
Truth is, there was some part of me that was thinking along these lines already. Not that I wanted to, but it was the case. In my brain, this girl was either (a) super busy, (b) no longer interested, or (c) dead. None of those were good options.
So on the advice of my trivia team executive officer, I texted the lady yesterday morning, letting her know I was skipping town for a bit, and seeing if she was free for dindin. Turns out, she was busy, although the reasons for that remain to be seen. We're going to sushi tonight.
I'm excited, believe me, but I'm also a little more cautious about this. Is she flaky? Will she disappear on me regularly? I like her a lot and want this to work, but I'm a little more skeptical now.
Then again, as soon as I see her I'll probably get giddy as a schoolgirl again.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
First Date
Went on my date with Bean last night. Dinner and drinks. He was a really nice guy, so I'm not gonna say too much bad about him. I'm sure he'll find a lovely lady one day. However, it was clear after about five minutes that it isn't going to work. He did, however, want to hang out all night (he said something about going to Waltham to see him friends, which I thought was weird), but I went home--not wanting to lead him on. I feel a little bad, but we just weren't on the same level. I mean, when I asked him if he reads he said, "What, like, stories?"
I'm an asshole and am pretty sure I have jinxed myself through creating a dating bracket.
I'm an asshole and am pretty sure I have jinxed myself through creating a dating bracket.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Dating Playoffs
In a very Ochocinco-esque move, I am making a dating playoff bracket. There are several men I've been talking to on-line and I've decided to go out with them. I've narrowed it down to 4 lucky bachelors (god i wish i could have a rose ceremony). I am going out with the first guy (and last seed) tonight. I will attempt to go on a date with all four men and then you, readers, YOU will help me narrow it down to two, and then one lucky winner. What does the winner get, you may be wondering? A second date with me.
Here is a brief summary of our contestants.
Seed 4 (Last)...BEAN
Bean and I are going out tonight. He seems like a nice enough guy, and has been very attentive via email and phone. He wrote me a sweet email, and we seem to have some in common. So, I said I would go on a date with him and then...we talked on the phone. This phone call was 40 minutes long, but--in a nutshell--boring. The most disturbing facts about Bean that I learned in this call are that he answers the phone "Buenos Diaz," which is how Alejandro answers the phone so that freaked me out because I thought I had called the wrong number, he has a weird, nervous laugh, and he has two cars. Not good, Bean, not good. Two cars?? In Boston? Really? I'm assuming this means he has money, but I'm praying there's a personality to go with the money. He works in robotics, which is a plus. He probably will not rape and murder me. I will update tonight or tomorrow about the date.
Seed 3: TIGER
Tiger is hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Tiger contacted me first and I just about died he's so good-looking. He works as a paralegal by day, and owns some sort of photography business. Hot. Tiger and I were writing back and forth and then one day he disappeared. I waited 5 or so days and then wrote, "where did you go?" Within the hour, he wrote back that he hadn't seen the email I had last given him (with my DIGITS. MY DIGITS). I don't really buy it. Then, he told ME to call HIM. Hmmm, Tiger, I don't know about that. I don't want to have to call. I want him to want to talk to me enough that he calls me. So, we'll see. I'm gonna call him tomorrow and see if his personality matches the sexy body and boyish face.
Seed 2: SOUL-PATCH
This dude and I have been writing on and off for awhile. Short, cute emails. I contacted him because I liked his profile. Yesterday, he asked for my number and I gave it to him (Clearly, I have no problem handing out the digits, and this will probably lead to me having to get a new phone number at some point). Anyway, he texted and it was cute. He seems the most "artsy" of these guys, jeans and t-shirt, chill. Two things: He likes opera, which just seems fake and pretentious. I hate that shit. Secondly, he has a soul patch. I'm not a big fan of soul patches, but at this very moment I am watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie) and what's his name from 90210 is in it and he has a soul patch and it looks okay, so I'm taking this as a sign from god that I should give Soul Patch a chance.
Seed 1: FACE GUY
Face guy and I have only written back and forth a couple times, but man he is awesome! Great wit, intelligent, and cracks my shit up. Plus, I can tell he spends a lot of time trying to think of what to write to impress me, which I like. We were writing about meat and how I get nervous when I have to cook red meat. He sent me very detailed instructions on how to prepare the perfect steak. Cute, right? He plays trombone and is in grad school. The only thing: his pictures are a little weird. I can't really tell if his face is cute. Its that weird kind of face that could be perfect, or could just be ugly. So, I'm calling him Face Guy. I'm hoping he has a nice face to match the incredibly awesome personality.
So, are any of these 4 lucky men Mr. Awesome? Probably not. Will I have fun with them? Hopefully.
Close Encounters of the Alejandro Kind
Many of our followers might be asking, why don't Alejandro and Lola date? They both seem awesome, right? Well, in a nutshell, we have too many differences (see the Binaries post). And we're bff, which is awesome in and off itself! Awesome!
However, about once every 2 years, Alejandro and Lola get a little touchy and cuddly. This happened last night, mostly due to the bottle of gin that was shared between the two. So, for all you anxious readers, please note the every other year close encounter has past. You will have to wait two more years for the next round.
Friday, July 23, 2010
going insane
Alejandro is struggling here. He's nauseous. He's jumpy. He's easily distracted. He needs help.
See, I went on a date Monday. It was, as per the previous post, awesome. I won't go into details, but we spent hours together, had a great time, seemed very compatible, etc.
So of course, I started thinking about what to do next. I mean, if this person, this non-Penguin-y person, is indeed a possibility, things need to happen. So what would our next date be? Obviously sushi. I love sushi, and allegedly she also likes it. And one of my favorite restaurants in the city is this tiny sushi place that is super delish.
So I tried to do what I, as the man, am supposed to do. The next afternoon, I sent a brief text expressing that I had enjoyed the previous evening and was looking forward to see her again. She texted back with similar sentiments. The next evening, I called, as I had said I would, and had to leave a message. So I intimated that I would like to go out Friday (today, readers. Today). I stayed up like a nervous nelly until all hours of the night, mostly watching The Hills, but no call.
The next morning, I got an early morning text indicating we would talk soon. I texted back expressing happiness regarding this. But I did not hear from her that night. On roommate's advice, I went ahead and called that night. Left a message.
Since then, nothing. It's nearly 5pm on Friday, dear readers. 5PM! How am I to make plans for tonight? It's maddening. Not so much because I think she's not interested - I think she is - but because I want to see her. I want to spend time with her. Blerg.
See, I went on a date Monday. It was, as per the previous post, awesome. I won't go into details, but we spent hours together, had a great time, seemed very compatible, etc.
So of course, I started thinking about what to do next. I mean, if this person, this non-Penguin-y person, is indeed a possibility, things need to happen. So what would our next date be? Obviously sushi. I love sushi, and allegedly she also likes it. And one of my favorite restaurants in the city is this tiny sushi place that is super delish.
So I tried to do what I, as the man, am supposed to do. The next afternoon, I sent a brief text expressing that I had enjoyed the previous evening and was looking forward to see her again. She texted back with similar sentiments. The next evening, I called, as I had said I would, and had to leave a message. So I intimated that I would like to go out Friday (today, readers. Today). I stayed up like a nervous nelly until all hours of the night, mostly watching The Hills, but no call.
The next morning, I got an early morning text indicating we would talk soon. I texted back expressing happiness regarding this. But I did not hear from her that night. On roommate's advice, I went ahead and called that night. Left a message.
Since then, nothing. It's nearly 5pm on Friday, dear readers. 5PM! How am I to make plans for tonight? It's maddening. Not so much because I think she's not interested - I think she is - but because I want to see her. I want to spend time with her. Blerg.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
the penguin
So the first date from okcupid was last night. You might think, based on my blogging late Saturday morning that it went well. Perhaps we went out for drinks, maybe dessert, took a long stroll through scenic Boston, and then happened upon my apartment, or perhaps even hers. Maybe one of us invited the other inside for a nightcap, and with all our roommates conveniently out of the apartment, we sat on the couch, talked, and slowly inched closer to one another. Perhaps our animal instincts overwhelmed us, and we made out furiously, moved to the bedroom, and did that thing adults sometimes do.
You might think that. It makes sense. This blog is about being In Search of Awesome, and the above scenario does indeed sound awesome.
What actually happened, however, diverges from the scenario above precisely after the "we went out for drinks" part. We did in fact get drinks at a bar that was mutually convenient to both of us and had a fine beer selection. Thankfully, her posted photos online were accurate enough that I was able to pick her out of the crowd waiting outside, yet they were still very complimentary photos. She was not attractive. Obviously, this is a risk with online dating, indeed dating in general, but it need not be the marker of an unpleasant night. I have had plenty of fun with unattractive people in my life, and I hoped this would be an exception.
Sidebar: have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? With Jack Black? I don't ask because it's a good movie and I think you should watch it - both those claims are false. But the premise is that Jack Black's character, the titular Hal, is cursed (blessed?) by Tony Robbins to see people as who they are inside, not what they look like outside. He ends up dating an enormous woman who is a fantastic human being because he's not blinded by his titular shallowness.
The girl from last night, had she been in that movie, would have looked exactly the same regardless of the curse. She was a cold fish, negative, in no way funny, judgmental, and all around unpleasant. By the time I had received my beer from the always courteous waitstaff, I wanted to leave. Sadly, I had a full hour left to go. She had a tongue ring, which 24 year old me would have giggled over, but 29 year old me has (largely) moved past.
Sidebar 2: Have you ever seen Batman Returns? It was the second Tim Burton Batman film, which I think underrated. For villains, it features Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Danny DeVito as the Penguin. Last night's girl was basically the lovechild of the Penguin, both body and soul.
The only real solace from last night was the afterparty, with friends (including dearest Lola), and the satisfaction that her night went better.
You might think that. It makes sense. This blog is about being In Search of Awesome, and the above scenario does indeed sound awesome.
What actually happened, however, diverges from the scenario above precisely after the "we went out for drinks" part. We did in fact get drinks at a bar that was mutually convenient to both of us and had a fine beer selection. Thankfully, her posted photos online were accurate enough that I was able to pick her out of the crowd waiting outside, yet they were still very complimentary photos. She was not attractive. Obviously, this is a risk with online dating, indeed dating in general, but it need not be the marker of an unpleasant night. I have had plenty of fun with unattractive people in my life, and I hoped this would be an exception.
Sidebar: have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? With Jack Black? I don't ask because it's a good movie and I think you should watch it - both those claims are false. But the premise is that Jack Black's character, the titular Hal, is cursed (blessed?) by Tony Robbins to see people as who they are inside, not what they look like outside. He ends up dating an enormous woman who is a fantastic human being because he's not blinded by his titular shallowness.
The girl from last night, had she been in that movie, would have looked exactly the same regardless of the curse. She was a cold fish, negative, in no way funny, judgmental, and all around unpleasant. By the time I had received my beer from the always courteous waitstaff, I wanted to leave. Sadly, I had a full hour left to go. She had a tongue ring, which 24 year old me would have giggled over, but 29 year old me has (largely) moved past.
Sidebar 2: Have you ever seen Batman Returns? It was the second Tim Burton Batman film, which I think underrated. For villains, it features Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Danny DeVito as the Penguin. Last night's girl was basically the lovechild of the Penguin, both body and soul.
The only real solace from last night was the afterparty, with friends (including dearest Lola), and the satisfaction that her night went better.
Friday, July 16, 2010
first. date.
First date tonight! Of the handful of women I have been messaging on the interwebs about the possibilities of snuggling, one of them has decided it is a great idea to meet me in real life. We're meeting up for drinks at a bar nearish Fenway tonight.
I am a mix of emotions about this. One, I am not super into her. She's the one I talked to on the phone for a little bit last week, and it was ok. It was good enough that I'm open to meeting her in person, but still, I'm not convinced. Also, I have general first date nerves. I talked to a friend last night about wardrobe, and I'll be going with a simple pair of jeans and button down shirt, probably of a different shade of blue (allegedly this brings out my eyes).
Blerg
I am a mix of emotions about this. One, I am not super into her. She's the one I talked to on the phone for a little bit last week, and it was ok. It was good enough that I'm open to meeting her in person, but still, I'm not convinced. Also, I have general first date nerves. I talked to a friend last night about wardrobe, and I'll be going with a simple pair of jeans and button down shirt, probably of a different shade of blue (allegedly this brings out my eyes).
Blerg
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
here we go here we go
Found hottie on match. Broke my "make them come to me rule" and approached with a double whammy: email and a wink. Email AND A WINK! C'mon, this has gotta work!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I Have Got No Service in the Club, Part 2
I am not excelling at this on-line dating thing. At first, I was super popular, lots of traffic, a phone number or two, asked on a date or two. However, things are slowing down.
I believe there is so sort of cruel on-line dating karma that has, as a result of my hesitance, slowed down the traffic to my profile
For example, this one dude asked me out. We've been writing back and forth, so it seemed like the logical next step. Nothing weird about it. This is, afterall, a meat-market. But, I feel like I don't want to go out with him now for silly reasons. For one, he lifts weights, and that irritates me. His name is weird. I also feel like I don't know him well enough to go out with him; however, isn't that the point?
Another guy gave me his number and told him to call, but I have not. Pussy.
I believe there is so sort of cruel on-line dating karma that has, as a result of my hesitance, slowed down the traffic to my profile
For example, this one dude asked me out. We've been writing back and forth, so it seemed like the logical next step. Nothing weird about it. This is, afterall, a meat-market. But, I feel like I don't want to go out with him now for silly reasons. For one, he lifts weights, and that irritates me. His name is weird. I also feel like I don't know him well enough to go out with him; however, isn't that the point?
Another guy gave me his number and told him to call, but I have not. Pussy.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I have got no service in the club
So, more or less, I have been corresponding via the interwebs with five different women. But really, I think we've narrowed down the current crop of okcupiders to two. One of them, who strikes me as refreshingly aggressive, went ahead and gave me her digits. So we talked on the phone the other night.
It was alright. I was not blown away, and it wasn't particularly fluid or easy conversation. However, it was my first time talking to someone I've never met, and there is the constant subtext of "this is someone I might want to get with."
Also, there was a strange moment where she asked me if I knew a certain person (I do). She asked me what I thought of this person (I said I was not that person's biggest fan). She told me it was a test. I asked if I passed. I did. We then agreed this person was kind of a douchebag.
No, don't get me wrong, I'm always happy to find new recruits in the "person x is a douchebag" army, but this seemed like a strange thing to bring up fifteen minutes into a conversation with someone you've only known virtually. On some level, I find this unsettling.
Clearly, we have to meet in person. (a) it's possible something could come of this, (b) it's possible it could go hilariously bad, which would be a gift to the blog, and (c) I am on a constant search for catharsis or closure. Either will do, really.
Sidebar: the other girl, I gave her my number, as we have a shared love of whiskey, and whiskey appreciation is definitely something I find attractive in a woman.
It was alright. I was not blown away, and it wasn't particularly fluid or easy conversation. However, it was my first time talking to someone I've never met, and there is the constant subtext of "this is someone I might want to get with."
Also, there was a strange moment where she asked me if I knew a certain person (I do). She asked me what I thought of this person (I said I was not that person's biggest fan). She told me it was a test. I asked if I passed. I did. We then agreed this person was kind of a douchebag.
No, don't get me wrong, I'm always happy to find new recruits in the "person x is a douchebag" army, but this seemed like a strange thing to bring up fifteen minutes into a conversation with someone you've only known virtually. On some level, I find this unsettling.
Clearly, we have to meet in person. (a) it's possible something could come of this, (b) it's possible it could go hilariously bad, which would be a gift to the blog, and (c) I am on a constant search for catharsis or closure. Either will do, really.
Sidebar: the other girl, I gave her my number, as we have a shared love of whiskey, and whiskey appreciation is definitely something I find attractive in a woman.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
binaries
The concept of binary oppositions is fascinating, and look for them wherever I go. Theoretical opposites rule. One of the aspects of this blog that most excites me is the binaries between the two contributors. Alejandro is a Republican, Catholic male. I, in contrast, am a hard-core liberal, atheist lady.
This morning on okcupid Alejandro's little face popped up as someone I "might be interested in." This is intriguing, as I answer all the questions with the fact that political and religious compatibility is important to me. Foiled again.
This morning on okcupid Alejandro's little face popped up as someone I "might be interested in." This is intriguing, as I answer all the questions with the fact that political and religious compatibility is important to me. Foiled again.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Map of Love
Whilst drinking last night, I decided to team-up and do okcupid too. It is free. It might be a lot to manage 2 profiles, but I think I can hack it while I don't have a lot of work to do. On okcupid, there is this geography portion, "map of love." Which sounds stupid. And is stupid. According to the Love Map, my worst state to find a mate in is Ohio (good thing I'm from Ohio) and the best is Hawaii. My worst country to find a mate is Lebanon, and my best is Israel. Really, okcupid?? What about America?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
spamtastic
Well, it was only a matter of time. It always happens with craigslist. It's a regular feature of my real (secret) inbox. And now it's a fact of my experiment on okcupid.com.
I have been spammed.
Thrice spammed, in fact.
These spammers think they are clever. They add my profile to their "favorites," which naturally boosts my self esteem. I like the idea that I might be someone's favorite.
They have cute names, like "Kayla," followed by a number and some junk consonants. And when I click on that name, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, "Kayla" will be my favorite too, I am told there is no such account. Nothing. She's an electronic ghost, haunting my attempt to date virtually.
Fuck you, spammers. Go back to Nigerian bank fraud. Steal my money, but don't try to steal my heart.
I have been spammed.
Thrice spammed, in fact.
These spammers think they are clever. They add my profile to their "favorites," which naturally boosts my self esteem. I like the idea that I might be someone's favorite.
They have cute names, like "Kayla," followed by a number and some junk consonants. And when I click on that name, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, "Kayla" will be my favorite too, I am told there is no such account. Nothing. She's an electronic ghost, haunting my attempt to date virtually.
Fuck you, spammers. Go back to Nigerian bank fraud. Steal my money, but don't try to steal my heart.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
"Intimate" Messages
I have been on okcupid for nearly three days now. Typically, this would mean I am less than 72 hours away from giving up entirely on this set and telling it to go screw itself.
But that might not be the case this time. You see, in this short period of time, I have already "intimate" messaged two members, both of whom have responded. And those responses did not include even a subtle "go fuck yourself". Which is awesome.
In addition, two other members have independently messaged me. ME! They saw my profile and said "hey, he looks like a cool dude, I want to hear what his deal is." They want to hear my deal.
Lastly, another member winked at me. WINKED! As though we are in a bar and she wants to get on my junk! Oh online dating, what a wondrous world you are! Unfortunately, her profile did nothing for me, and a wink is not the four-on-the-floor intensity of an "intimate" message, so she's out. So it goes.
So things seem to be going well, at least so far. Hopefully soon one of these will materialize into a real date.
But that might not be the case this time. You see, in this short period of time, I have already "intimate" messaged two members, both of whom have responded. And those responses did not include even a subtle "go fuck yourself". Which is awesome.
In addition, two other members have independently messaged me. ME! They saw my profile and said "hey, he looks like a cool dude, I want to hear what his deal is." They want to hear my deal.
Lastly, another member winked at me. WINKED! As though we are in a bar and she wants to get on my junk! Oh online dating, what a wondrous world you are! Unfortunately, her profile did nothing for me, and a wink is not the four-on-the-floor intensity of an "intimate" message, so she's out. So it goes.
So things seem to be going well, at least so far. Hopefully soon one of these will materialize into a real date.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
OK, okcupid.com
Late last night I finally caved and started an account on okcupid.com. One of my classmates found success with it, so what the hell, I'll give it a try. Most of my online dating efforts have been directed through the craigslist personals, largely due to cheapness. But really, that has only brought me spam and heartbreak.
I thought I'd made a connection with one girl, we seemed to be on the same page, but she adamantly refused to send me a picture of herself, even after we'd gotten to the text message stage. THE TEXT MESSAGE STAGE. I mean, that's a meaningful part of the online relationship, right? It means she had my phone number. She could probably have tracked me down with gps or something. I was vulnerable. Oh well. Good riddance.
So far, okcupid seems to be answering a lot of questions and trying to explain yourself. It's interesting so far. I still need to fill out some of the more "essay" type questions.
I thought I'd made a connection with one girl, we seemed to be on the same page, but she adamantly refused to send me a picture of herself, even after we'd gotten to the text message stage. THE TEXT MESSAGE STAGE. I mean, that's a meaningful part of the online relationship, right? It means she had my phone number. She could probably have tracked me down with gps or something. I was vulnerable. Oh well. Good riddance.
So far, okcupid seems to be answering a lot of questions and trying to explain yourself. It's interesting so far. I still need to fill out some of the more "essay" type questions.
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